there's been a bunch of firsts this week... dunno why. it's as though i was just born this week to a world i never want to be in. absolutely lovely.

funny though, for the first time i cried myself to sleep. i've never done that before, and i finally know how miserable it is to do so. i just suddenly felt so... alone. very alone. no one to talk to, no one to really pour my heart out to. it's really....... it just eats at your heart. no fun at all. i guess that's what you get when you are always surrounded by loved ones, and suddenly, they all just disappear. now i know what orphans feel like.

also, for the first time i didn't dare to talk to a girl. i mean, really talk. somehow. with roxanne it was easy, with my first girlfriend it was just plain easy. but this time round, i don't know why. it was just so hard. i didn't want to screw up. i don't DARE to screw up. it's really bad if i do.. and it would kill me once again. damn.

anyway, gtg.. short posts for all to see! hehe.

signing off,

Serge